“A woman with a voice is by definition a strong woman.” This quote by Melinda Gates was our guiding light for last night’s women’s leadership group discussion. We read a passage about Rebecca Lolosoli, a Kenyan woman who started her own women’s collective as a refuge for women suffering from abuse at home.
Lolosoli spoke out against culturally accepted gender violence in her village, regardless of first being ignored and then later being beaten and harassed for her insolence. But my girls admired Lolosoli’s conviction, and we compared the severe physical risks Lolosoli faced to the types of risks we face when we speak out - whether in defense or support of someone or some cause, or merely in response to a teacher’s question in class.
“What stops you from speaking out?” I asked. They said none of the answers I had anticipated - embarrassment, fear of losing face, fear of being wrong. It was my intention to discuss these issues with them, as I have a my own personal stock of stories along these lines to share. However, to my surprise, all of them said that their main reason for not speaking out is that they are afraid that people will say it’s none of their business, especially when it comes to speaking in someone’s defense.
“So, is another person’s suffering “none of your business”? When is it appropriate to step in and help someone? Should we just... never help anyone?”
There was a long period of silence as my girls thought about it. And then Lily broke in angrily, “Even if we make it our business, other people will make sure not to hear us. It makes me so angry. I see so many problems, but what can I do? Nobody cares. Not the media. Not the government. Not even the people with the problems. They already gave up. I hate this feeling of being so... helpless.”
Another moment of silence followed as I tried to think of the most appropriate response. I asked them to look at Lolosoli again, to see if they could identify with the challenges she faced as she spoke out - being ignored by village elders, shunned by her family, eventually beaten by angry villagers. For Lolosoli, the stakes were high, and she knew with clarity that she must do what was right. The strength of her conviction is something we admire, admittedly because ours does not quite measure up.
"I don't know why I can't feel that kind of passion about anything. I wish I could, but it just seems so far from my life," said Emily. We discussed this problem, and said that coming from single-child homes, and growing up in this competitive market-based economy, we’re taught to be concerned with only ourselves, and sometimes we let our personal fears stand in the way. Sometimes we forget to look past ourselves, to look around and question whether or not the society we’re living in is “right.” And even if we disapprove, we’re taught that it’s not our business to change things. This is just merely another disguise for the same 'ole problem of having our voice taken away.
The beauty in Melinda Gates’ words is that it reminds us that ALL of us have a voice - and it can only be taken away if we give it away. It is up for us to hang on to it - to choose if, when and how to use it. There is a great source of strength that flows merely from having this choice.
The discussion went in a direction that made me a little nervous - and I can already hear my Dad urging me to be more careful. But I am confident that I chose well when selecting the members for this group, and through these discussions and through their journal entries, I am learning so much about just how complicated it is to come of age in a society that at once has nothing and everything to do with you.
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